Ring Genius
by Hana Rui
Summary: One-shot Sakuragi vs. Sadako... A tensai's unorthodox guide on how to get rid of the lady from the well...


**Fandom: **Slam Dunk / Ringu

**Summary:** Sakuragi vs. Sadako. A tensai's unorthodox guide on how to get rid of the lady from the well...

* * *

**Title: **Ring Genius

**Author: **Hana Rui

**Genre: **Humor / Crossover

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Straight out of a relaxing and invigorating shower with only a yellow cotton towel wrapped around his waist, Hanamichi Sakuragi stole a quick glance at the clock hanging directly above the television.

11:25. Just a few more minutes and he would be in for the battle of his life. A battle that would surely be ten times more exceptional, remarkable, and downright extraordinary than any brawls he had intentionally and otherwise engaged into in the past.

Tonight he was going to confront a phenomenal entity. An evil incarnate of pure infernal and hellish prestige. It was going to be _the_ Battle Royale! The biggest face-off in Kanagawa! The grandest, noblest deed for the world! The papers and the early morning and late night news would be screaming his name as the singular, most courageous soul who had ever dared to challenge that celebrated killer known as Uh

_Ch!_ he hissed. If only he could remember that stupid hag's name...

_Simako__?__ Sasako? Sakako?_

The utterly frustrated redhead groaned and gave up on another fruitless attempt at recalling the notorious appellation. He was never good at remembering names, anyway, so he just decided to stick to the most apposite and fitting nickname his _tensai_ brain cells could think of...

_The longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well..._

He knew it was the longest moniker he had ever given anyone, but it was the best he could possibly come up with. Whenever he got tired of saying the whole thing, he would just settle to simply calling her _bitch_which, to his opinion, was still satisfyingly suitable...

"Well, yeah, you bitch!" he mumbled with pride and spite, as he stared straight at the darkness of the TV screen. "I'm putting an end to all of your dumb, stupid antics once and for all! Or my name's not Hanamichi Sakuragi, _Tensai_ of Kanagawa! Savior of the world! Nyahahahahahahahahaha!"

Being unfortunate enough to be the last to end up with the cursed tape on the team and in the whole school, Sakuragi knew he had to think of a different way to handle his situation. Well, there was also the blasted _kitsune_, of course, but it didn't even have to take a quarter of his common sense to figure out that giving his copy of salvation to that unduly nonchalant _baka_ was like willingly offering his life up to Death himself!

And besides, he realized with his proud disposition that merely copying the tape and passing it on was a rather gutlessly selfish act since it would benefit only him. And what more? He would even contribute to the endless chain of un-thwarted curse that would plague the world for generations to come.

He felt someone had to put an end to this. And, he, being the resident genius of the district, took it upon his shoulders to break the deadly curse by all possible means.

After all, he wouldn't be calling himself _Tensai_ for nothing.

Only three more minutes left for him to take a breather, gather up all his guts, and prepare himself to become a hero...

As the clock sluggishly ticked down the remaining seconds to the daring confrontation, Sakuragi made a quick mental rundown of how his adversary would go about her attack. First, she was supposed to come out of the TVhow she would manage to do so, he'd find out soon enough. Then, she's going to crawl on the floor for a few seconds until she regained her footing, after which she would begin to shamble like an epileptic to her prey. And as a cunningly _stylish_ finale, she was expected to use her utterly powerful evil eye to stare her victim down to his death.

Yup, he had done a lot of snooping around, all right. That's what made this all the more special. He had never really taken much stock on an enemy prior to their encounter. It was only now that he had done so, since this time he was faced with an adversary thats nothing short of ordinary. It was ..._er_...the _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_!

60 seconds... Sakuragi looked around the living room to check for the last time if everything was all set and ready. Then, he strode toward his hiding place, taking care not to ruin the ploys he had scattered around the house on his way.

30 seconds... He jumped across a green, gooey puddle of something on his way to the farthest room down the hall in straight alignment with the television.

20 seconds... He stepped into the room and pushed the door close, leaving only the narrowest slit through which he could watch his sheer genius at work.

10 seconds... The all-too-excited redhead couldn't help but snicker as he awaited the arrival of the exact, opportune time.

...5...

...4...

...3...

...2...

...1...

...0...

It was now exactly 11:30 in the evening. And as expected, the television suddenly flicked on, instantly filling the room with the frizzling sound of static. Then a screeching din that could best be likened to a rusty swing oscillating back and forth wafted through the house as the vague and rather dim sight of a crumbling well came on screen.

Sakuragi caught his breath as a head curtained by long black hair began to emerge from the well. She pulled herself out of it with dramatic yet rather annoying slowness and was in a second shuffling closer and closer to the screen.

The redhead's heart raced concurrently with excitement and agitation as the longhaired head stuck out of the television frame followed instantly by two pale, nail-less hands reaching out and down to grope for the ground

The loud crash, matched in a greater scale by a startled yelp consequently put a smile of pleasure on the almighty _Tensai_'s lips. To welcome his most unwelcome visitor, he had placed the television atop several stocks of wood, a good four-feet off the ground! That plan had done its job pretty well and Sakuragi's excitement escalated. He almost guffawed but decided to save that for later, since he very well knew it wasn't that easy to get rid of the _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_.

With the bit of light from the television now gone, the whole house was in total darkness, save for the occasional glow of moonlight seeping through the windows. Sakuragi watched on as quietly as he could as the utterly irked, grunting incarnate forced the trammeled half of her body out of the shattered TV. Having successfully done so after a few seconds of snarling and wiggling, she subsequently began to crawl, her nail-less hands clawing and pulling her weight along the floor of the living room

Sakuragi knew his second plan was at work perfectly the moment sparks began flying around the room and the trembling shrieks of a pathetically electrocuted creature rang all around the house. Following his second scheme, the incomparable _Tensai_ had filled the floor with high-voltage wires and plugs to give the entitywho was used to shocking peoplethe shock of her life! He was just simply returning the favor, right?

Of course, our great mighty _Tensai_ was aware that even this unnerving assault was not enough to conclude their battle. Although, he must admit he was slowly, but surely gaining the upper hand. Hell, his so-called adversary hadn't even been able to make a single attack yet!

He stared on as the _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_despite the electrifying experience she just hadsomehow managed to gain an unsteady footing and shuffled wobbly and shakily toward the dim hall. Her steps were slow and rickety and her body was still steaming from all the voltage of electricity she had just been charged with. Her hair was a messy tangle, yet still covering her face. There were burnt edges on the sleeves of her dress and some more in various other parts of her long, currently not so flowing skirt.

And her ghastly pallor seemed to have gone a little bit paler. The groans and gasps she was huffing and puffing out were but clear indications that she had been perfectly _worked out _by all the tortures the cunningly powerful _Tensai_ had prepared specially for her.

She looked very much like she couldn't take anymore of it...

Well, just too bad 'coz she was closer to one more than she could've expected. Sakuragi clumped a hand to his mouth to stifle the roaring laughter struggling to escape his throat as he watched the _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_ dancing clumsily and downright ungracefully on the puddle of green, slippery paint he had doused on the floor of the hall. She was shrieking and yelping as she slipped and wobbled pathetically. Her body seemed as though it was about to literally get mangled from all the awkward, bone crackling moves she was currently discovering in her attempt to keep herself upright.

It was tough enough to learn to danceas the incarnate herself would be first to agreeand tougher still when you're learning it the hard way.

After about a minute, the utterly tired bitch finally lost her noble battle with the paint and slipped off, her body hitting the floor with an impact hard enough to send her skidding to the very end of the hallway on her back, screaming and thrashing helplessly. Sakuragi immediately opened the door of the room to let her in. Scheme number three was obviously a success! Now it was time for the very last beat...

From behind the door where he had carefully hid himself, Sakuragi watched as the utterly vexed and mumbling _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_ forced herself up to her shaky legs. And with one hand clutched on her aching butt, she slowly turned her head around to scrutinize the room for more deadly ploys. Having made sure the coast was safe and clear enough, she took a rather cautious step... And then another.

Running the incarnate's stratagem once again through his head, Sakuragi noted that she was now up to her last and deadliest attackthe _"I'll-stare-you-down-to-death-you-pathetic-little-creep"_ attack. The redhead _Tensai_ knew he had to act fast and soon enough before the bitch could catch sight of him and put all his efforts to waste in just a matter of seconds.

He gripped the disarmingly, and fatally smelly sack in his hands as he took a feline step, fully intending to lunge at the entity and sack her head before she could even turn and stare at him. But, as he was making his initial advances, he didn't notice that a thread on his cotton towel got caught in a protruding nail on the wall. He took another step and had to stop short when he felt his only bit of covering slip off his waist.

And as if on cue, the _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_ spun around and gazed right at him. The utterly stunned _Tensai_ froze as he gazed back at that evil looking eye peering angrily through the drapery of messy tangles. He gulped and felt his pulse accelerate as he was suddenly hit by the undeniable notion that this was gonna be the end of him.

Not to mention that he was gonna be mercilessly killed without a single stitch on And with poor, trembling and _shamelessly exposed_ "Hanamichi Jr." shrinking and recoiling in fear. It was the most disgracing, most degrading, most ignoble death that a brave young _Tensai_ like him could ever have...

He tried to say something, but only managed to release the pent up air his fear had filled his throat with, making ample room for more. He tried to scream, but ended up producing a pathetic sounding snort instead. He backed away until he was leaning hard on the wall and couldn't step back anymore.

Even in the slight dimness of the room, he saw the incarnate push her orbs down until about half of her iris disappeared into the lower lid of her eyes. He almost thought the _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_'s pernicious curse was already working on him as his chest began to tighten with the sudden widening of her eyes...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Everything happened so fast from then on that Sakuragi himself almost lost track. Okay, so he heard her shout. Such a rattling, head-bursting shout that got him covering his ears in both irritation and agony. Then he heard the window get opened rather roughly. And the next thing he knew, the _longhaired crawling, shambling, killing bitch from the well_ had slipped off it, screaming her head and guts out a few seconds before a series of loud crashing, cluttering, and ear-splitting sounds were heard from ten floors down, indicating the harsh, most violent way that the incarnate had met her end.

Hanamichi Sakuragi, the redhead _Tensai_ of Kanagawa, Savior of the world, was dazed for a couple of seconds before a wide, satisfied, and proud grin slowly stretched his lips. _Well, what do you know..._

Wicked, sly, and mischievous "Hanamichi Jr." had saved the day after all!

**-end-**

_Thanks for reading! :)_


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